It took a while, but I could finally say that my teenager FINALLY got to a relatively independent stage in his learning.
Helping my fourth-grade daughter gain this sense of independence was not quite as smooth. She still wanted my constant attention and approval, which is obviously understandable. But to encourage her independence, I gave her a weekly responsibility chart.
Giving her a to-do list for her daily school work helped her see the things she could do to herself, and when I was tied up with helping her younger sister, she could see her jobs before her. Using responsibility charts has even helped my youngest learn a basic sense of responsibility for what I've asked her to do.
The whole point of a child's education is to help a child become independent at learning. I want to help my kids see the ways they can solve their own problems, direct curiosity to resources that can answer questions, and find joy in exploring the world and how it works. By the time students graduate from high school, they should have some degree of understanding about their own responsibility to succeed, in education and elsewhere.
My teenage finally started taking responsibility for his many assignments around age 14. He never would say that he loved his homework, and he would not have chosen the intense classes for himself if he had a choice. That said, I also do try to remember his age and remind him of various chores and homeschool assignments that he needs to be doing. This is to make sure he remembers his own responsibilities. I've noticed, though, that he began to resent that because, as he would say, "I know! I know!"
There is a time and a place for teaching responsibility.
When my son was in elementary school, his writing and history notebook was lost. It was a primary-grade lined book with a section on top for illustrations.
I was pretty annoyed by this. He told me he had been reading it and playing with it outside of the schoolroom. So it could be anywhere. Even after a few weeks, it was not found. Six months of notes had been lost, and while this seems like a silly thing for me to be annoyed about, it was meant to be his homeschool portfolio for the year, marking what he had learned and showing his improvement in handwriting and historical understanding.
What I realized from this experience was this: He had not learned that he needed to responsible. I had not expected him or asked him to take responsibility. It had never been something I'd asked of him. I had not set him up for any serious consequence or explained what I expected he needed to do. I had not taught him from the beginning that he was responsible for the notebook.
If I wanted him to be responsible for his papers and books, I needed to talk to him about it extensively before things got lost. I need to be more proactive in helping him. He needs guidance in learning responsibility. I can’t expect him to learn responsibility after the fact if I have not expected it all along!
With my next two children, I've been trying to emphasize this kind of personal responsibility. One way I do so is by tracking good behavior with reward charts and tracking chores and homework assignments with weekly responsibility charts.
Actually, I started with a rainbow reward chart for my youngest when she was potty training. She loved running to add a sticker to her rainbow after a success. Now that she is in kindergarten, I can emphasize other successful behaviors. She is also eager to add a "done" sticker to her school To-Do list.
I had thought that my 9-year-old fourth grader would have preferred to track her work on a computer (as her older brother does), but she too enjoys tracking her finished work with a satisfying checkmark.
Every August is the same. We all start getting cranky and annoyed with each other. I always realize what we need: we need to get back in to routines. I said recently that having “to do lists” is a good way to learn to accept responsibility. I have found that having a planned schedule likewise helps
Read MoreAs I mentioned, last week was my son’s birthday! I put on a birthday party that was all about trains. But let me tell you, it’s hard to find things train related for a birthday that does not have Thomas the Train all over it! Since he turned six, Thomas was not the key part
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