I've been pondering the ways, over the years, that I've found "alone time" while in the midst of homeschooling my three kids. I get energy when I am alone, so finding alone moments is essential to my daily mental health. It hasn't always been easy to find alone time while homeschooling, but I've found ways to get that necessary time. Ways I've found alone time has varied as my child have aged.
Last year I had the unique opportunity to send two of my three children to school. To be honest, I wanted to homeschool them, but it was the right thing to do at the time. Now I have my youngest (age 8) with me again. My oldest (age 16) is home too, but he doesn't need my attention. Ten years ago, when my oldest was elementary aged and we were beginning homeschool, my others were babies. I sometimes had the guilty thought: if I were not homeschooling, my son would be in school for hours every day. I could feel free every day, all week long!
I'll tell you, don't feel bad about craving alone time. You aren't wishing away your child. We all must fill our own tank before we can nurture our kids. Last year's alone time felt surprisingly lonely. This year, I don't feel quite as busy as I did when I had babies and toddlers; back then, at times it felt like the house would never be quiet and I'd never alone time!
Maybe you are in that situation now. Here are some things I've done over the years that help me get alone time when I truly need it.
Throughout my parenthood, we've had quiet time. My kids would go to their rooms for quiet time each day. When they were very young, this was during nap time. My older children (like my now eight-year-old daughter) use the time to read, play quietly in his room, or listen to audiobooks. See my post about how library audiobooks helped me when my second child stopped napping.
Quiet time is a difficult habit to develop. It meant that sometimes school was not finished in one day. It meant that we sometimes said no to activities. Of course, sometimes activities meant that the traditional alone time was also missed! But, in general, encouraging our children to learn to love being alone is essential, even for those kids with seemingly boundless energy. It's okay for those energetic kids to learn to understand your own need for quiet time.
Many times, I've arranged to do childcare swaps with a friend. During summer break, I can ask many friends. During the school year, it worked best to ask my fellow homeschool friends so they would have kids at home with my kids. The friend will watch my kids sometimes and I'll watch hers sometimes. It works well because then we will both get a break, and our kids love playing together.
At one point, I invited a young woman to come to our home in the afternoons as a mother's helper. I paid her for each hour she was there, so it was not a free option. But, her presence meant that I could help my older child or get that alone time that needed so much.
One of the reasons I signed up for Co-op my first year was that I worried about my need for "me time" each week. I still greatly enjoy having time with friends at co-ops, and as in past years, I'm in multiple co-ops during the week! It is a welcome break from the routine, and while it is not necessarily quiet, co-op gives me a chance to communicate with others, share homeschooling ups and downs, and reflect on our week at home.
This year I am again teaching classes at the local co-op. Again, this seems like it takes away from the "alone time" need that I have. In some ways it does, but it also gives a welcome break from my own children and let's me help others, all the while letting other teachers work with my kids. When my kids were very little, volunteering in a co-op was likewise a wonderful respite from the regular chaos.
When my kids were little, my husband worked late, often not arriving home until after 8 or later, when the kids were asleep. At an early hour, I expected my kids to be in bed, even if not asleep. If my husband is not around, I stayed sane just knowing I will get a break when the kids are asleep!
Ever since COVID, my husband has been working from home. He understands my need to get away or just remain alone to re-energize. Also, now my kids are much older, they understand the need to rest. They often enjoy reading in bed with flashlights after I've tucked them in. (My oldest stays up late without any flashlights!). We do stay up much later, but it's interesting how each child's needs balance with my own need to get alone time: stay up later, but less exhausting physical stress during the day. (Of course these older kids provide plenty of OTHER stress...)
Some people hope to avoid all media for their kids, but that has never been reasonable to me. I sometimes like to wind down with a video or game on my phone. Sometimes, when kids were little, I did resort to putting on an educational show and saying "enjoy." I cannot help my kids if I am too burned out to do so. Sometimes the 20 minutes of quiet while the kids zoned out in front of a video or a game on the tablet is just what I needed to recharge.
There are, I am certain, many more ways that homeschooling parents can recharge in the midst of the busy life that is homeschool. These are just some I've been remembering.
What are some ways that you get alone time while in the midst of homeschooling?
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