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I believe it is time to face the reasons I’ve heard from my friends not to homeschool by debunking them head on. So many people begin a sentence by saying “I could never homeschool because….” And then I hear one of these reasons.
To be honest, in the years before I began homeschooling, I answered my husband with some of these excuses. Time helped me see how wrong I was.
I obviously feel strongly in favor of homeschooling. I know homeschooling is not for every parent, but here are some of the answers I’ve given to those friends who say “No way!” It’s time to debunk nay-sayers once and for all.
1. I can’t homeschool because I need “me” time. Everyone needs me time. Homeschooling means teaching your children to teach themselves and thrive. A little bit of effort now goes a long way to teaching your children self-sufficiency. It’s true that homeschooling will cut in to your time. But it is also true that children are a blessing. Your children’s childhood will pass in a blink. Enjoy them.
In my case, I enforce a mandatory quiet hour during baby Strawberry’s nap time. I realize that her nap times won’t last, but the quiet time will remain. I also swap childcare with friends sometimes. This year I’ll also send my oldest to a co-op, where I’ll get at least an hour to get to myself with just Strawberry. For me, I am trying to embrace this time with my kids because I know it won’t last.
One more question: how much quiet time do kids get at public school?
Debunked: I can homeschool to teach my children about quiet time.
2. I can’t homeschool because I’m not a teacher OR I don’t know enough about ______. Homeschooling parents do not all have a teaching degree. Our kids learn all the same. When your child was learning to talk, did you give lessons? No. Rather, our kids learn from life. While there is often some formal schooling involved in homeschooling, it is also true that much learning comes from exposure. Further, as a parent, you get to learn along with your children. What a blessing!
I am reminded about how I’m not a teacher every time my son asks me about something I don’t know the answer to. I have no idea, but that is not a good enough answer. We go find the real answer. When do non-homeschooling parents have time for that? I count it as school.
Debunked: I can homeschool because, even though I’m not a teacher and I don’t know everything, I can help my child learn to love learning. I can learn along with my kids.
3. I can’t homeschool because I don’t have enough patience. I wish you’d believe me when I say I don’t either. I am not a patient person. My children frustrate me unbelievably. But what could be more important than learning to control that patience? What could be more important to creating a nurturing relationship with your own children? Patience is not a requirement of a homeschooling teacher, but it is a quality you will slowly but surely learn to develop.
Debunked: I can homeschool because I want to learn to be more patient with my kids.
4. I can’t homeschool because I don’t have enough money. I make an effort to steer readers of this blog toward free resources available on the web. From phonics to mathematics, there are complete or near complete curriculum you can use with your kids.
I personally do spend some money on homeschooling. I am hoping to earn back that money from the educational resources I sell on TeachersPayTeachers.
Debunked: I can homeschool because I can find what I need for free or nearly free.
5. I can’t homeschool because I don’t have enough time. This comment always gives me pause. I cannot speak for those who work full time while also homeschooling: I know it is possible, but I am not in that situation.
Rather, I’m talking about stay-at-home moms who claim they don’t have time to homeschool. I will only say that it is a priority matter. If you are a parent, at some point you made a choice to be a parent. Surely, that is enough reason to find time for your kids.
In my situation, I know that homeschooling is the right thing. Given that priority, I make it happen.
Debunked: I can homeschool because there is no better use for my time than meeting the needs of my kids.
6. I can’t homeschool because I would go stir crazy in my house. So plan on homeschooling in the backyard, or at the library, or at the local mall. There is no rule that you must stay home all the time while you homeschool!
Debunked: I can homeschool because I like to get out of the house with my kids!
7. I can’t homeschool because I worry about my kids getting enough socialization. This is related to the stir-crazy comment. Get out of the house! Join a group! You might not be present for every social interaction, but the bonus is that you will know the kids and their parents.
Personally, I was involved in so many homeschool groups last year (3) that our weeks were too busy. I’m looking forward to a less busy year.
Debunked: I can homeschool because I like to know my kids’ friends and make sure they get positive social experiences.
8. I can’t homeschool because I worry I’ll teach something wrong. Personally, I’m of the opinion that no teacher is infallible. Even public school teachers are wrong sometimes. Wouldn’t you rather be the one who knows what you did teach so you can someday say, “Remember when I said such-and-such? I was wrong.”
Besides, learning along with your child is fun of the game. As you teach your children, they will learn to teach themselves. Over the course of a life-time, all the wrongs will be righted. It won’t be the end of the world if your child understands something the same way you do, will it?
Debunked: I can homeschool because my kids need to learn that no one knows everything.
9. I can’t homeschool because I have little kids. I think many of the people who homeschool also have little kids. It can be done. What a good example you set for the younger ones about what learning is! What a variety of things they might pick up as you teach your older child!
My daughter is entering a difficult toddler age. This next school year, she will be my handful. But I’m looking forward to the experience.
Debunked: I can homeschool because I like to keep my kids together.
10. I can’t homeschool because I could never do it. When I was in labor with my oldest child, my son, I believed I would die. I was certain of it. When my son was finally delivered, I held him in my arms, a squirmy bluish baby, and I thought, “That wasn’t so bad!” It was not as big a deal as I had thought. (Or, rather, the outcome made the pain all worth it!)
When you approach homeschooling, you must approach it one step at a time, one day at a time, one year at a time. You never know what you will be called on to do unless you just do it.
Oh man I love these. I especially hear all the time, I don’t have the patience for it.
Well they are crazy if they think I do. I am not perfect, I lose my patience, my daughter loses hers, but in the end we are doing it for us because this route currently is the right one for us.
This may not always be the case and maybe someday I will have hours during the day when I am alone but for now I am using my time the best way I know how and that is helping my daughter learn and grow into the fine young adult I pray she will be.
Sherri, I’m glad to hear I’m not alone. Thanks for commenting with your story.
I love this post! My daughter wants to homeschool and we have four kids, 7, 5, 2, 7 weeks, and I have had many of these “I can’t ____” moments but keep coming back to reasons similar to the debunked versions you posted. Here’s to line upon line this school year!
Amber, I think every homeschool parent has the worries! What gets me is that the people who say “no way!” think that because we’ve decided to do it, we must not have any of these worries! I’m glad this post helped you. Best of luck to you in your upcoming school year! You can do it, one day at a time!!
Great post, Rebecca! I think I have felt most of these at one point or another – and a few more, I’m sure! The wonderful thing about homeschooling is that if something isn’t working for either the parent or child(ren), you can change it up! While there are many days I wish for a break from it all, the majority of days I am so very grateful to be present with my children on their learning journey.
Meredith, thank you for your comment. I agree, it is wonderful to be with my kids as they learn and grow.
Wow, great post! I thought all of those things and more. My kids went to a regular school for many years. Both are very bright and both are dyslexic (but were undiagnosed while in school). Those years had some great moments, and some really great teachers (along with one really, really awful one), and they made some good friends, but those were exhausting years. We spent the bulk of our time trying to understand why the kids comprehended everything but couldn’t function effectively in a classroom setting. I was reteaching 80% of the material when they came home, exhausted, frustrated and depressed. I was so tired by the time I went to bed, and depressed, too, but had no answers and thought I had no way out.
No one mentioned dyslexia because the kids were maintaining good grades (through tremendous, overwhelming hard work). Their struggles were attributed to everything from an argument with another child, or lack of exposure to reading material at home (totally false) or my dad dying or our dog drowning, lack of focus, poor attitude, etc.
Upon occasion various people at the fringe of our lives would casually mention the possibility of homeschooling for a year or so to help the kids out and I would balk at the very idea without giving it a second thought. Only isolated crazy people or extremely organized, patient people who desperately wanted their kids in Harvard at the age of 14 homeschooled. 🙂 Besides, just trying to teach them for 2-3 hours in the evenings was so tiring and frustrating for ALL of us that I just couldn’t imagine being stuck doing that all day long.
I was a little dense and didn’t think through the fact that if they were homeschooling I wouldn’t be RE-teaching material they now felt they couldn’t learn and doing it at night with the kids demoralized and tired. I didn’t clue into the fact that I would be teaching the material the first time through with kids who were just starting their day, and that we could cover far more ground in a much shorter period because we weren’t dealing with all the changing classes, administrative issues, etc….sometimes I can be thickheaded.)
After a truly toxic year in 2011-2012, and the abrupt, severe and alarming decline of our son’s self-esteem (mid-2nd grade), in desperation and with little understanding or preparation we started homeschooling our 2nd/3rd grader and soon to be 6th grader. What a scary moment it was when we made that decision. I was terrified.
Now I laugh at how panicky and nervous I was. I kick myself every day for not starting sooner, MUCH sooner. Have we had difficult days? Absolutely. Were there times when I feared we had made a colossal mistake? You bet. But that was mainly in the beginning. Homeschooling was the very best thing that could have happened to our family. I wish with all my heart that I had seen even one or two homeschooling blogs years ago to give me a more accurate view of homeschooling. We would have taken the leap long before our horrific school experience of 2011-2012, and probably saved my poor son some of the emotional scars he still caries.
Thank you so much for your post. I wish it could be distributed all over the country to non-homeschoolers. Some of them may be feeling just as trapped as I did, if for different reasons.
JC
Wow, JC. Thank you so much for your kind words. I think homeschooling is a wonderful thing and it sounds like it was just what you needed. I’m glad this post is such an encouraging one for you. Thanks for sharing your story!
This will be my first year homeschooling, and I will admit, I fought it almost all the way. My husband wanted my girl homeschooled, and I was totally against it…pretty much for all the reasons you’ve listed here. I am not teacher material, have a limited amount of patients, have to have time to myself or I go crazy, I don’t want to be trapped at home all the time, and I don’t want my girl to be a social pariah. Over the last month I have been researching, planning, and preparing as best I can to get ready for school this year. Your article has really encouraged me while I try to get over my misgivings about homeschooling, and prepare (with a good attitude) for this upcoming school year. Thank you for this article, it was just what I needed to read!
Good luck, Vaerin. I wish you the best. I’m sure you will do great. If you don’t have any curriculum yet, you might look at Trail Guides to Learning, depending on how old your daughter is…can be used pretty easily with 2nd through middle school and covers all subjects except math in a really easy to follow and flexible format…
Vaerin, I am glad this post helped you! I know you can do it! Just look for the positive in every day. You can do it one day at a time! Don’t try to do it all at once and HAVE FUN!
Thank you Rebecca for your wonderful article. I am so glad I caught it. I am going to be homeschooling my now 3rd grader this school year and was all set, ready and full of confidence until just this week. I started to become nervous that this was the wrong choice for all the reasons you suggested people make excuses for. I did not come to this decision lightly when deciding to homeschool but after reading your article and a comment made by JC on August 12th I remember all the reasons why we choose to homeschool. We are our children’s best role models why would I think that someone else could be better suited for the job? I want my child to grow up with the ability to think outside the box rather than inside it like all of his classroom peers.
Dear Laura,
I wish you all the best! I know this first year will be a little intimidating, but I know you can do it.
I hope you and Rebecca don’t mind if I mention a few mistakes I made that I hope you won’t. Maybe you already know all of this. Just thought I’d pass on some suggestions, in case….
1. Don’t make homeschooling a series of required exercises in rote memorization. It really crushes a child’s natural interest in learning.
2. Don’t force your child to continue with curriculum that just isn’t working. Try it for a while, if it isn’t working, try modifying it and if that doesn’t work, feel free to look for something else altogether. Public schools stick with one curriculum, even if it isn’t working, because they have no choice. We do.
3. When you begin your homeschooling journey, give you and your child both time to detox from the public school image of what school needs to be. You have far more options and freedom than a classroom teacher does. Utilize that freedom to create a positive learning atmosphere.
4. If you and your child are getting frustrated and upset, walk away from it for a while and do something different. Maybe you just need a break, or maybe a fresh perspective. Don’t get locked into “This is on our list of things to do and we MUST do them this way!” If children are frustrated and upset, they aren’t learning, anyway, but if they see that you can take a break, come back later with a better approach, or a fresher perspective, and then finally get the concept, that is a great life lesson.
5. Don’t let others make you feel obligated to make him sit at a desk from 9am to noon, eat lunch, do P.E. then continue sitting in that desk from noon to 3:30 following some arbitrary checklist. Explore, have fun, enjoy. Extremely structured days and curriculum that has to be learned to achieve a specific academic goal can be tackled in time. Rekindling a love of learning, and a stronger relationship with family and community should be the greater priority right now. Besides. you can cover a lot more at home than they do at school and in a shorter period of time.
5. If you are going to give tests (not all do), don’t call them tests. Just call them assessments. Explain that you just need to know if concepts should be reviewed or not. After taking an assessment, study together anything he didn’t get correct and evaluate together what went wrong. Was it that you didn’t spend enough time on this topic, or the way the information was presented didn’t make sense to him, or was the test question confusing, or maybe he just mis-read the question? Then you can evaluate whether more review of the topic is in order, or just a need for improving assessment skills (like re-reading instructions before starting to answer), etc. Testing at the elementary level especially, should be used for diagnostic purposes, not as punishment or just to have a grade to put in a grade book.
6. Read lots of blogs, like Rebecca’s. Truly an invaluable resource and area of comfort and support. Thank goodness for blogs…
7. If your son expresses interest in a particular topic, let him pursue it right then, while he still has interest. You may be able to stem all his writing, grammar, science, history, even math, art and music off that one topic and make it a really rich, fun learning experience. If he is interested, his learning curve will be far sharper than if he is pursuing a topic he has no interest in.
8. Don’t buy every curriculum you see that seems good. There are TONS and TONS of options and you may feel overwhelmed trying to cover every topic. Start small, pick a few things and build from there.
I should have done more along those lines in the beginning of last year and didn’t. We needed time to adjust to this new way of life in a positive, uplifting way but I let the naysayers make me nervous and tried too hard to structure our day like a classroom in a public school. I also did not know anything about blogs, so I had no connection to the larger homeschooling community.
Both systems have strengths and weaknesses but I emphasized all the negatives of public school and didn’t capitalize on all the positives of homeschooling. A LOT of newbie homeschoolers follow that same path and many end up feeling like failures and putting their children back in public school, not because it is the best thing for their child, but because they were unsuccessful at creating public school at home. They are two very different things.
Keep an open mind, stay flexible, and reach out when you feel overwhelmed. There are many others out there going through the same thing. We can all support each other and make it through…our kids are worth it.
Good luck, Laura. Sorry this is so long.
Thanks for all that you do, Rebecca.
JC